How can it be that we look down on someone or 'think we are better than'... even for a minute? Have we walked in their shoes? Do we have even a faint idea of what life looks like from their position?
These were questions I had to ask myself, as I realized I had fallen down the slippery slope of judgment. Looking back, I can laugh. I took my lesson, learned this fundamental personal
leadership quality and... the outcome is not one I will ever forget!
It was during my 'hippy years'. You know those days of peace, love and rock n' roll. My motto was 'live and let live' and that in itself makes my speedy ability to judge that much more ironic. Obviously it was time I learned a lesson.
Having just left a religious commune, I travelled north to visit one of my brothers. I loved him dearly and hadn't seen him for about three years. We were to enjoy a couple of wonderful days together catching up. He was an actor and I was looking forward to seeing the theater production he was acting in.
After his performance on the Saturday night we were attending a party with his fellow actors. It was the birthday of one of the women from the cast, and about 40 performers and crew members were catching up to celebrate with her.
It was a somewhat energetic group of revellers, and the Greek restaurant we descended on seemed ready for them. More prepared than I was! My life had been very low-key over the past few of years and I was pretty much a teetotller. The drinks of choice going around the table were certainly not tea. I found a seat near the end of the tables, satisfied to mostly stay out of the action.
The party gained volume and energy for a number of hours... eating, drinking, and definitely being merry, and the end of the night was drawing close. It was kind of like a last party trick when this hefty drunken actor got up and took the center of the floor. He couldn't be missed... weaving and wearing a big stupid grin planted beneath his big bald head, and making more than his share of noise. Certainly not a pretty sight. He was just steady enough to balance a tall stack of plates in one hand, while he grabbed a single one in the other. The Greek restaurant tradition of smashing plates was no doubt on the program. He started breaking down through the plates... crack, crack, crack. The ceramic fell all about him and spread around the floor from his drunken shuffle.
He had broken all but a final single plate. After a dazed look of bewilderment, an even more audacious and stupid grin broke out on his face. He quickly hoisted the plate over his head, and smash... down it came onto his naked skull. Slightly dazed and now with a crooked smile, a steady drip of blood let loose running down the side of his head.
I stared at this performance with disgust... definitely judging him and thinking he was an idiot. Even though I obviously thought I was better than him, I didn't feel good. I was ready to leave the party.
The following day my brother and I reviewed the party. He told me then that this drunken actor was one of his closest friends. He had cancer and had been undergoing chemotherapy, hence the bald head. He'd been soldiering on, determined not to let it get in the way of his career.
Even though he needed a daybed in the theatre for rests between his stage appearances, he was not giving up. The party was a chance to let off some steam, knowing he was among understanding friends.
Well... he had been mostly among friends that evening. I admitted that I was the one who had been the idiot, not him. The judgments fell away. My mind opened and I sent out compassion, acceptance, and caring. This felt like a relief. I was offering something meaningful.
It was about 10 years later that I again met with this man. I had moved to the city my brother lived in, and as they were friends, we met. Over the coming weeks we found ourselves many times at the same social outings, dinners, and opening night productions. We
found that we actually had a lot in common, and quite liked each other. In fact, we very much liked each other.
About a year and a half later, in the style of the true gentleman I had come to know he was, he asked my father if he could ask for my hand in marriage.
Certainly, I could vividly recall the event in the Greek restaurant, just as vividly as I could remember who the real idiot had been. This person was an absolute gift to me. One that I would have definitely overlooked if I had continued on blindly in judgment. Fortunately I took a chance with the belief that he was a loving human being.
Within the year we celebrated a wonderful wedding in a park in the Rockies, and the reception... no, not at a Greek restaurant!
Whenever I feel judgment creeping in, it's a great reminder for my personal development. It's time to ask what it might be hiding. What is it blinding me to? What are the treasures, if only I can see through the haze. They're there... waiting.
© inspired-personal-development.com
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